exhausted

someone said to me today "you are a cat. all you do is sleep."

it made me laugh until i realized it was quite accurate. im tired all the time. not from being sick, or lack of sleep, or anything like that. i think im so exhausted from doing nothing. i know it doesn't make sense.

i left a grand rapids week of leaving the apartment at 7am and not getting home til 10pm or later. always on the go, always a new project or challenge or struggle. and here i am sleeping in til noon. applying for job after job. working on crappy freelance projects. staring at the same four walls until 4am. and repeat.

im exhausted of the lackadaisical process thats getting me nowhere.

and to top it off, if my stupid self messes things up the one good thing that has finally come my way... lets just say it won't be pretty.

-j